My healing journey began 15 years ago, with a lot of anger, resistance and disbelief.
After sharing my story in depth for the first time and truly feeling heard, my dear friend quietly and simply replied, “Now What?”. Up to that point it was reinforced that I didn’t really have a choice about much, let alone my healing trajectory. It was said to me, “Here’s your cards kid, just make the best of it.” Based on this, if you saw my options then, with no chance of change, you’d understand why I felt angry! And while it eventually felt exciting to have this new found power, I was used to a pretty particular kind of miserable. You mean, I have to save myself? I have to find security and worth and value from within? Like myself, or LOVE myself – be my best friend? What does that even mean? And with what tools? And wait a minute, what about all this bad stuff that happened to me?
Trust me, the list went on and on.
Gratefully, I was blessed with a patient group of folks who had experience in healing, people who were able to find the gifts within the wound. As they say, “If you wish to learn to paint, go to a painter.” – so they knew that what I was going through was all part of the process. Mostly, they would just smile at me and remind me of my own inner ability – as my trainer says now, “Gabby, I can’t lift your weights for you.” Healing is no exception to this rule – if I wanted to heal, I had to lift my own weights.
What this has taught me is just how resilient and powerful and capable I really am. It is indeed easier to be my best friend, versus worst enemy. And THAT is easily now, my favorite part of holding space for another – meeting someone where I used to be and watching them slowly fall in love with themselves. It is THE sweetest “I told you so ever!” Also, I have learned (painfully) that healing is indeed a journey that needs BOTH – consistent work AND celebration – a layering process – in which I am still working at (and celebrating) everyday. It hurts to fall into the ditch, especially after all these years, because, as it turns out, I am human like everyone else. When I share with folks that I am still healing certain addictions and wounds, they look at me kind of cross-eyed and suddenly feel safer knowing, we are all on this journey together.
So, let’s take inventory together knowing our true power lies in ownership, partnership and healing; that our solutions lie just beneath the surface of our problems!