After practicing bodywork for 15 years, I’ve learned a thing or two – mostly that, the more I learn, the more there is to learn.
The process of learning is a highly humbling experience, like a rigid rock getting smoothed over, again and again & again. My clients have undoubtedly been my most incredible teachers – one body after another, surrendering to the process of trust and discovery – true pioneers in every sense of the word. Their trust in me, building a reverence and responsibility – teaching me the art of attention, presence and partnership. Through each others discoveries, we empower each other and together we create this highly unique experience, that, when taken seriously, can end with the satisfying…..”ahhhh, that was exactly what I needed.”
And when did this start happening in my practice?
The short answer – when I surrendered to my clients just as they surrendered to me. You see, when I first became a massage therapist, it was believed that we knew “more” than our clients. And in some ways, we do. BUT, in reality – we know, no one knows us better than ourselves, no matter how much we are tempted to give that responsibility away. So, when I began inviting clients into their bodies, into their experience, into their power – they began to discover that, not only did they know themselves pretty well, but better, when they showed up and participated, they felt a different, deeper sense of satisfaction – and discovered things that they might not have known otherwise and were better for it.
Professionally speaking, the more seasoned a bodyworker I become, the more I know my place in all of this. That I am here to bear witness to some pretty sacred work – giving humans the chance to just be – peel away the layers, take off the masks and peer from around the corner, safely in their vulnerability so they can learn to embrace themselves as they are. For, if we can’t gain access to this sacred space, healing can be an uphill battle, and who wants to work harder instead of smarter??
Speaking of, I certainly didn’t and that is what led me to certify in Trauma Touch Therapy. I was finding a stagnancy both in my professional skills and my healing journey that needed to be infused with something altogether different. There is nothing more frustrating than getting to an impass that I can’t pass & also more satisfying when you find the tools to create the way and this is what TTT was for me.
Personally speaking, I had been struggling with nightmares that an old childhood trauma had created – whether it was my mind playing that exact scenario over and over OR some variation, I was left the same – my nervous system on high alert from an attack and feeling disempowered as I froze. As I aged, the dreams grew further apart, though I never knew when they might strike so sleep, instead of being a place to recover and heal was laced with anxiety.
And while, on some level, I knew these dreams were here to offer me something of value, after so many years, my patience and ability to be present to them grew dangerously thin as my exhaustion led me to feel plain old agitation. Why couldn’t they just go away – I knew I was safe now, I knew I was OK NOW, so why did these dreams keep returning??? What was I missing?
The thing about trauma, in its most simple essence, is it comes and takes vital rights and gifts from us and in order to heal from trauma, we must restore what was lost or taken.
Long story short, when I was finally able to create a space to meet my dreams and tolerate the sensation inside through this process, I was then able to tap into the wisdom my body has been trying to deliver for years – one of the many things taken from me was my right to set and protect my boundaries. The error of my ways was thinking that by restoring my right to set boundaries also meant I was restoring my right to protect them. But in my dreams, every time a boundary would be crossed, I would freeze, just like I was 9 and lose all capacity to move, fight and advocate for myself.
So, with my newfound TTT tools, I got to work, restoring this right in different ways – yoga for movement, journaling, mantra-ing, talking it out with loved ones, playing in my imagination space, processing out old grief and anger…… and one day, my head hit the pillow, eyes shut and off I went to sleep. I can still see the dream now, all the players on the board and feel the hot tears rolling down my cheeks as, instead of freezing when the time came to fight, I was able to move. I could feel the blood pumping in my calves as I leapt from the ground and ran, the oxygen and blood flowing through my whole body and a wash of relief from head to toe with my first victory. I proceeded to have 3 more victory dreams and since then I have had neither victim or victory dreams – just sleep.
The trick to healing is to surrender that it is an ongoing and layered process. If our bodies aren’t moving, if our nervous system feels like it needs to be ever present, never resting, chances are, there is some internal work needed. Our bodies don’t want to hold pain but they can’t let it go until we have provided what it needs. My body couldn’t release me from these nightmares until I restored a vital right and I am grateful for that accountability. Because I have more rest at night and more security during the day with this right restored.
Have you lost something vital or had it taken from you? Is part of your body or mind feeling stuck or is your nervous system swinging from states of hypo to hyper? Is there a wound you have sustained in which you have not yet found the gift within and are ready to make this journey? Would you like to feel more empowered to thrive in your life, not simply survive through it?
If you answered yes to any of these and wish to find out if this therapy is right for you, please email today to set up a consultation:
Start healing today so you may put your life and the quality of it back in your hands where it always belonged!