One of the most insightful gifts I received from my TTT training was uncovering my grief and learning to honor and work with it in a transformative way instead of staying stuck by it.

As my Pap said, “Gab, grief is the price tag to love.” 

 

Coping with Loss

He couldn’t have been more right. Grief will visit us on the heels of a loss – something important to us has been lost or taken – and we are challenged to learn a new way because something has changed. How can we learn to honor grief?

Some losses are permanent and this is where we must mourn and let go. Others are temporary so we can work to reclaim our losses. Learning to decipher the difference will help you assign the right amount of energy to this task. Placing value in the item to be reclaimed will also help create the needed energy to bring home what was lost. Why is this thing so valuable, how does it enhance your life and without it, how has it hampered your happiness?

 

Wisdom for an ever-changing life

And our attention to the process is vital so we can learn to flow with whatever comes our way. 

So, what does all of this have to do with the holidays? Before COVID, the holidays represented a time of connection and warmth. Some are blessed with this while many long for but don’t have access. These times were hard enough to navigate because of our current state of affairs. Now, add on the layers of new protocols for COVID safety and we have a menu for deepened heartache if we aren’t aware of what is going on beneath the surface. Luckily, we have access to awareness and a deep wisdom within that can help us meet our emotions and needs, as well as honor and transform grief. We can learn to be resilient from it instead of feel collapsed by it. And this is where our power lies – honoring what was so we can pick up what is.

 

Connecting While Physical Distancing

Personally, I have missed hugs the most through this time of physical distancing. Having the incredible opportunity to touch as a profession, I receive some of my touch needs through my work. Yet having received an astounding 10 plus hugs a day before, my body is missing this deep nourishing connection and energy. It is missing the safety of holding and being held. The richness of OK-ness that this act gives without words and in particular the warmth closeness provides in a deeply troubled time. So, while I am limiting this activity for safety reasons, I have found many activities in its stead that provide receipt for similar gifts. For those who can tolerate it – longer eye contact, holding a knee or even elbow. Placing our feet side by side, taking more time to connect emotionally to celebrate safety and smiling, most especially through a mask. I share with those I interact with that I miss this closeness, making sure they know they are valued. Additionally, feeling valued from them has all helped in tremendous ways for me to endure until hugs might be back on the menu.

 

So, with the holidays approaching – are there activities that you will be missing? What might they be and why do they matter to you? What nourishment do they provide and how might you honor this loss through reinvention if possible? Or, for those sacred gifts to mourn, will you take space with those you love and share your heart, honoring this loss? 

 

And if so, tell us, what have you learned?

 

Until then, BIG cyber hugs <3 

Gabrielle Warner

Licensed Massage & Trauma Touch Therapist

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